My personal story

 

Religion, as we know it today, put its adherents in spiritual bondage. There are many man-made rules attached to religion. They often tell you what you can or cannot do. They tell you what to do and when to do it. They even tell you just how to do what it is they want you to do. Some churches go as far as to say, "If you're going to be long to THIS church then you will have to meet a certain criteria of obedience to the church and its doctrines ." Failure to meet these standards man has set in place will put your status in this religion or church in jeopardy. Some will even teach you if you fail to do what they tell you to do then you just aren't going to make heaven - or at least their version of heaven.

These kind of Religious institutions are controlled by as a religious spirit and are demonic, for they tare and the very foundation of a true and sound relationship with the Lord. One build of the true acceptance of one's salvation as a child of God, and causes you to work hard to gain the love of God, instead of accepting it as a free gift.

30 years ago, I found myself standing at a cross roads in my life as a Christian. I had a choice to make. Was I going to continue to attend a doctrine based denominational “churches”, where I did not seem to fit in and was continually being hurt by its members, or walk away from my conception of church all together? After attending church since I was a child, the choice was not an easy one to make for I truly believed in the importance of attending church. A reality, I had to face as I stood looking at the two paths that stood before me.

The first path, I knew would lead me back into the same belief system that had keep my family in bondage for four generations. A system that keep woman in bondage to out dated traditions. A system that claimed that keeping that Sabbath Holy was the only sure sign that a person was saved. A system that promoted hypocrisy, condemnation, and did not allow for a close intimate relationship with the Lord. The second path seemed more appealing ,as I opened the word of God for myself , and for the first time in my life I begin to weed through the deception surrounding my own adapted religious belief .. “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

Letting go of the “church” doctrine concerning the Sabbath was not an easy thing for me to do , simply because I was afraid that I was going to hell in a hand basket if I went to church on Sunday. But the hardest part of leaving the church, was not based upon what common Christians of the SDA church would think about me, but instead upon what my family would think. And what I feared came true. The very moment that I quit going to the SDA Church ,I was confronted by my Uncle.

My uncle is a devoted SDA, but he tends live his life by the teachings of the old testament, while I on the other hand tended to live my life according to the new testament. In other words, while he believed that the only way to insure salvation was to obey the ten commandments, especially the one concerning keeping the Sabbath Holy. I believe that Jesus fulfilled those commandments upon the cross. For the word says: “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. “ (Matthew 5:17) I was lost as to how to convince him of this simple truth, and at the same time convince him that I was saved even if I did not go to church on Saturday.

As I struggled, for several days, to find the words to address the issue concerning my Uncles conception that I was no longer saved, I ask the Lord for some wisdom. And He began to show me my own personal journey up the Mountain of the Lord. And since we are the Lords temple, the journey up the mountain to reach its highest levels, always begins with in us.

My journey began at the base of His mountain. At the bases stood a wide variety of Christian churches. Some are small, some are large, some have bells that ring in the morning air announcing services are about to begin. And some are held in what had once been a grocery store. Each one has a different denominational title, and set of beliefs that are governed by church doctrines and upheld by the elders of the church. Among them stands the SDA church . And as Apostle Paul wrote; "One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks." ( Romans 14:5-6) Despite their differences, the one thing they all have in common is that they believed ; “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 )

Since my journey up the mountain had began as a child , I can still remember walking into a small congregation of the SDA in Paris California and setting down next to my grandparents in the church pew. I could not have been more than five. Although, I asked the Lord to be my savior when I was 10, I was 18 before I took the steps like so many others in my family for generations, and walked to the front of the church and was baptized insuring my membership into the SDA church. As I returned to the pew, it would become my church home, where I would go every Sabbath morning , and listen to the messages that were being preached from the pulpit. It was here in my comfort zone of family tradition, and church doctrines that I would become indoctrinated into the church, and it was here that I also began to question the teachings of the SDA.

I know that according to the teaching of the SDA I did not have the right to judge the church , its leadership , I was simply to obey. But I could not help wondering why it was okay for a child to work on the Sabbath , but adults could not... From that moment on even before I knew what the word hypocrite meant, all I could see was hypocrisy with in the SDA beliefs system. There seemed to be certain rules for children to obey, and others for adults. There were rules for woman and ones for men. In other words, men could ware jewelry woman on the other hand could not. But the last hypocrisy that lead me to begin my search for answers outside the SDA, began the moment an elder seeing me sitting in the church pew with my baby son in my arms and felt a need to tell me to get back into the nursery where I belonged. And after I tried to tell him I could not hear what the pastor said in the nursery, said in the neck moment “ If you need to learn anything ask your husband.” My husband not only did not attend church, but was not even a believer.

I soon found myself standing out side the church asking the question; “ where do I go from here?” As I stood there I noticed a path that seem to be barely visible just between a thicket of trees standing off to the side of the church. At first curiosity guided my steps as I headed towards the path. And just as I began to walk up the path, I head a voice right behind me warning me of the dangers that lied ahead; “ That path is a dark deceptive one, a path created by satan to lead people astray. You will lose your salvation if you do not turn around and come back where you belong” ; came the voice of a concerned elder of the church. But as I looked once again up the path, I saw a speck of light coming from somewhere up ahead, and I could not help but feel that I needed to go to where the light was . As a result, I took my very first steps that would carry me up the mountain. Turning a deaf ear to the cries behind me to come back. And in the process, left the SDA church behind me.

With each step I climbed I had to fight the fear that was screaming inside of me; “ You are going to lose your salvation if you do not turn back.” I could feel the struggle with in me to let go of my fear that I would burn in hell if I made the choice to go to church on Sunday. But the light was to bright for me to ignore and so I continued to move up the path until I found myself standing in front of a large white church with stain glass windows. I had to cover my eyes as the morning sun shined through the glass sending rays of color lighting upon the path that lead to the sanctuary doors. “He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth.” (2 Samuel 23:4 )

I stepped inside the church feeling a sense of wonder, as I realize for the first time, that there were believers outside of the SDA church. My new understanding of this simple truth was reinforced as I sat down on a pew and began to listen to the sermon being preached from the pulpit. A familiar one, to say the least (John 3:16 ), but with one slit difference. I soon learned that their was more to the message of the gospel than what I had learned in the SDA church. While the SDA did teach one basic the truth about the cross (John 3:16 ), they also added one stipulation , to be truly saved you had to keep the Sabbath Holy. But the truth that I was hearing was not based on keeping the Sabbath Holy, but on accepting Jesus as Lord not just savior. “If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with your heart you believe and are put right with God, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, 'Anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame.' “ (Romans 10:9-11) Allowing Him to be Lord of my life, gave me the assurance of my salvation, so I no longer had to fear losing it.

Realizing that at least one false teaching had been brought into the light of truth. I began to wondered what else with in the teachings of SDA, that I had so strongly believed in, were based on a misconception of the word of God . So I opened the word and began to let go of the SDA doctrines that promoted fear and bondage to the law. And at the same time, I began to realized just how much I had depended on other people' s understanding of the word to be the guiding force behind my own beliefs.

I continue to attend this church for sometime. But after a while, I began to realized that each message from the pulpit may have been different in some small way, but they still carried the same message. A simple call for people to come forward and ask the Jesus to be Lord of their lives. And since I had already did that, it seemed wrong somehow for Christians already saved to be continually returning to the front of the sanctuary and once more ask the Lord to be their savior.

My feet grew restless as time went by. I began to feel an over whelming need to know if there was more to having a relationship with the Lord than simply setting in a church pew waiting for Him to return. Realizing I was not going to find the answer I was seeking sitting in this particular church pew, I walked out of the sanctuary doors. Standing on the steps out side of the church doors, I asked, the Lord; “Where to next?” A moment later I realized that this church also had a path that would lead me further up the mountain.

As I drew closer to the path, I once more saw a light that seem to calling me forward. And just as I began to walk up the path, I heard a voice right behind me warning me of the dangers of taking that path. “ That path is a dark deceptive one, a path created by satin to lead people astray. And you will lose your salvation if you do not turn around and come back where you belong” ; came the voice of a concerned elder of the church. But I could not ignore the light that seem to be calling me further up the mountain.

After what seemed like an eternity I found myself standing in front of yet another church. This church was not as large as the last one, and the light that flowed from it like a beacon in the night, seem to be coming from some where with in the church itself. As I walked up the step, walked through the doors, and sat down on a pew, I began to listen to a sermon on the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I soon found myself walking to the front of the church once more, and asking this time that the Lord fill me with His spirit. Filled with the Holy Spirit, I began to flow with the gifts. (1 Corinthians 12:1-11)

I could not help but ask the Lord if I was missing something when it come to understanding the importance of being Baptized in the Holy Spirit. For although I like so many others with in the church spoke in tongues, no one was being allowed to use them. No one was even being taught what to do with the gifting s that came with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. On the other hand, they were being taught that only those that spoke in tongues are truly saved. Once again I found myself facing a false teaching that ignored the true message of the cross an the assurance of salvation and instead their teachings were planting seeds of fear of losing ones salvation to its followers.

Realizing that there was nothing more that this church could teach me, I stepped out of the church and began to seek the path that I now knew would take me further up the mountain. And once again , I was warned that if I walked that path I would lose my salvation. But the warning had become a familiar one, that I choose to ignore the warning, as I continued to fallow the light.

When I reached the next level, I found myself in front of yet another church. This time before I even reached the sanctuary doors, I was greeted openly and lovingly by the pastor and elders , and I felt as if I had finally found a place were I belonged. A place where I could grow and mature in the truths of the Lord. And in the gifts of the spirit.

It was here that I would take the necessary steps that would make me an ordained minister. And it was here that I began to learn about satin and his demonic agents and how they can and do effect our lives. I came to believe that I was called to the deliverance ministry, and so placed myself under one of the elders ( who was the leader of the churches deliverance ministry ) and began to complete a study on the demonic. I even had a book with a list of demonic names that could be used to call them forth out of a persons life.

For a few years , I worked in the deliverance ministry. Our group of ministers worked together to lovingly set people free from demonic influences in their lives. Eventually, the elder stopped calling me when we had someone that needed ministering to. I had no conception of why, and to shy to ask. But as time went by, I became aware of a growing problem with in the church, as one person after another began to leave the church. I soon learned that the elder of the deliverance ministry along with other church leaders, were no longer ministering to others with love and acceptance, on the contrary, they were operating in a spirit of pride in their own ability to discern demonic influences with in the church and instead of operating in love and compassion, they were operating in a spirit of accusations and harsh judgment. The church was no longer flowing with love, but with determination to have a church freed from demonic interference. As a result, they begun to see demons in everyone that crossed their path. I was hit hard with the truth of the situations, when I went from being a woman that was not being influenced by demons and therefore a valuable part of the deliverance ministry, to being a cauldron stirring witch out to destroy the pastor and the church elders.

This time, I did not make the choice of leaving the church all on my own , I was thrown out . As I stood out side of the sanctuary doors feeling betrayed, with tears running down my face, all that was with in me wanted to turn and run back down the mountain. But as I stepped away from the doors, and began to look for the path that would lead me back down the mountain, I turned around and looked at the church that once welcomed me with loving arms, was know covered in a thick blanket 
of darkness. A small calm voice of the Holy Spirit rose up with in me and said; “ This is what happens when you spend all of your time focusing on the darkness, it will over come you. It is only as you stay in the light, that the darkness is over come. “ In other words, if you spend all your time focusing on the enemy, you will begin to act like the enemy.

With that small bit of understanding, I made a choice to not go back down the mountain, but instead I of  looking for a path that would take me higher up the mountain. I began to look for yet another church at the same level as the last. In other words another spirit filled church. By this time in my life I was looking for the answers for a chronic health issue that I had been dealing with since I was a child, and had become worse as I grew older. It was an illness that medical science could not help me deal with. So I began to seek out a church that were spirit filled that could help me find a healing path. Or more to the point could deliver me from the spirit of infirmity. For despite the pain I had felt at the hands of those connected to the deliverance ministry, I still believed strongly in it.

I walked into a church and sat down on the pew. The lesson that was being taught from the pulpit was on divine healing. Under the conception of divine healing I came to believe that God wanted everyone of His children to be healed. Therefore if I wanted to be healed, I would have to learned to keep my mouth shut and not confess let alone accept the spirit of infirmities into my life. I even went as far as to not say a word even when I had a cold.. The problem was, that despite all my claims to be healed, I could not stop my husband from calling an ambulance, every time he found me unable to get off the bathroom floor. Nor could I argue against his demands that I see a specialist or two. Nor could I keep him from telling the doctor what my health problem was. I was finally diagnosed with Gastroduodenal Crohn's disease. Which caused me to develop Gastroparesis( half my stomach is paralyzed.)

But despite the medical diagnoses, I refused to accept it as the truth because I was not going to let my faith in Gods healing power turn to doubt. Let alone let satin rob me of my healing. The problem was that I was not getting any better. In fact, I was getting worse. I soon found myself in a painful circle of events. I would try to keep my illness to myself, and then someone in the church would find out and suddenly I was either rejected out right and found myself sitting alone when I attended a church function or I was accused of being so evil God was punishing me with illness and soon found myself looking for another church to attend.

I felt overwhelmed with darkness and despair, which surrounded me in a haze, as I climbed up the steps into yet another church and sat down in a pew. By this time I was in so much physical pain, that I had to walk up the steps leaning on my husbands arm. The physical misery was so great that I had problems keeping the tears under control, as I sat through the church service. As I continued to force myself to attend church, I began to look at the handicap sign in the parking lot of the church as a sick joke, in the face of a clear evidence the even this church did not want anyone that was physically challenged in their midst ( Unless they were elderly of course). And yet, despite what I saw right in front of my eye, I refused to give in to my misery and stop going to church. I convinced myself that if I stopped going to church that I was allowing satin to win.

Then one day my husband got a phone call from the pastor of the church we had been attending. The pastor accused me of trying to destroy the church with my evil prayers. My husband was asked not to bring me back to church. Lost in the darkness of betrayal and rejection, I crawled into my bed and prayed for death. But the Lord was not done with me yet and He came to me in a dream /vision. With in this dream vision , the Lord shining as a bright light said to me ; “ “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” ( John 8:12) Taking His hand, I began to walk up the mountain.

This time as I reached the next level, I found myself not in front of a church but in a garden. It was beautiful to say the least. Filled with tall flowing trees, flowers of every kind an color and shape filled the landscape. Running through the garden was a crystal clear river, so clear the you could see the abundance of life beneath the surface . I felt peace flowing through me as I began to walk along the path that intertwined itself through out the garden. Suddenly, I came to a dead stop as I saw a man kneeling and praying . I realized it was our Lord Jesus Christ, and I was so stunned I could not move.

( Note:at this moment in my life, I had begun to flow in the calling and gifting' s of an Apostle. I found myself having a dream/vision of the Garden of Gethsemane. Each night for three day, I continued to have this dream/vision and it changed the direction of my life and set be free from despair)

Although, I had read the story in the Bible, I was not really prepared for the emotional upheaval it caused me as I came to realize the extent of the pain that our Lord went through, even before He was hung on the cross. As I stood and watched Him as He struggle with the fleshly desire to run away from what He knew was coming, tears ran down my face. Then I got angry when I realized how insensitive His disciples where ,that they could not see that He needed them to stand in the gap. More tears came as I realized just how the much stress He was under for I could see it in His face, as bloody sweat ran down in to His eyes. I could feel His sorrow as He finally allowed His own tears to fall, “He cried out ; Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42 ) When He reached a point of physical and emotional exhaustion, “ Then an angel from heaven appeared and strengthened Him. “ (Luke 22:43) His face changed in that moment into calm assurance, as He got up off His knees, and lead His disciples out of the Garden.

As I fallowed Him to the cross I saw Him meekly accept what had to happen. And as He hung their on the cross He never stopped ministering to the needs of others as He spoke calmly to the two thieves that hung on the cross with Him. I saw His blood flow from Him as His life ended. I was there when He rose from the dead. And saw His face as He smiled in my direction.

I finally realized on the third night, that this dream/vision was His way of helping me deal with the pain of betrayal that I had felt at the hands of the the churches I had attended. It was His way of telling me that He knew how I felt. And as I watched Him rise from the dead I realized one interesting truth. If you live as Jesus did, you will eventually be crucified by others. You may not be crucified upon a wooden cross, but you will find yourself accused abused and beaten down my words of condemnation and by others . But those that are crucified will always rise from the dead.

With a sense of peace in my heart, I walked out of the garden and on to another path that would take me even higher up the mountain. And in the process, I stopped believing that God required me to attend church as a sign of my faithfulness to Him.

As I continued my journey upward, I noticed I was not alone on the path, like I had been in the past. In fact, there were people going my way higher up the mountain. Every person , including myself, shone bright with a glow that flowed from with in. I soon found myself upon a high plateau that seemed to be covered with thousands of people. I realized as I stepped forward and began to speak with a few, that I was in the middle of the Body of Christ, the true CHURCH of the Lord. And from this high plateau we came together to praise and worship our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. United in one Body, we left our denominational conception behind us, choosing unity rather than division caused by our doctrinal differences. And compatibility with the Lord that comes from truly accepting the Love of God as the free gift that it is.

It was here that I began to experience the true power of praise and worship. It is during praise and worship that we all drew closure to our Lord and enter into His presence. In His presence we learn to accept God grace and mercy into our lives, where His healing can coves us with a balm of peace that passes all understanding. In His presence we are set free from internal prisons of pain and heartache, fear and doubt, and the bondage that comes from false teachings.

In His presence I have found the ability to view my trails as a chance to learn and grow, and to mature in Him. In His presence I came to realize that His light has always gone before me making away out of my troubles, I just needed to open my heart and eyes to that simple truth in order to allow the light to dispel the darkness. And living my life in His presence that has given me the ability to cultivate a peaceful sprint, even during painful situations.

As we stood united in worship, our praises reached the very gates of heaven and as the gates opened the Lord came into our presence. His voiced reached out and touched our hearts as He said ;” Look!” and pointed His finger towards the edge of the plateau. I realized that I could see the whole world from this vantage point. And although I could see the darkness that was keeping some areas from experiencing the truth of Gods word. There were also places where the light was so bright that it could be seen from miles away.

With a soft voice that seem to reach down deep inside of me, He continued to speak ; “ You are the light of the world, go out into the dark place and spread the light. “... you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” ( 1 Peter 2:9)

All of sudden I was no longer on the top of the mountain. Like Moses I had to return to the natural world in which my physical body lives in. To my family, and my husband. Here behind close doors, or out in the open, I carry the light of the Lord with in me. I am now one of those lights that I had saw from the plateau . I also carried with me the knowledge that Praise and worship, carry's a believer back up to the top of the Mountain to be refreshed.

As I once more thought about my uncle, I realized there was very little that I could say to him that would change his concern that I had lost my salvation. So I lifted him up to the Lord asking him to guide him out of the darkness and into the light.

Then to my surprise, out of the blue he called me on the phone. He had felt a need to tell me that he was glad that I had such a deep relationship with the Lord. He had finally realized and accepted that I was saved despite his worry to the contrary. Although, I am no longer an SDA like most of my family, I am no longer treated as an out cast.

I should never have worried about my Uncle, for the Lord took care of it. “Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

I have learned in my journey up the mountain of the Lord, I can experience what it is like to have a close relationship with other Christians. And I have found it out side of the more common religious circles. I have also learned that :

1. A Christians based ministry should never place doctrine or man made rules above fellowship. If a church or a minister has to work hard to try and protect the work they are doing, then the ministry is dead already.
2. If you are continually look for the enemy in your camp in order to protect your ministry, then you are building that ministry on fear.
3. If you have to preserve your work in what every way you have to including through demands for obedience of your followers, then you are building your ministry with nothing but wood and stubble.

For if the Lord does not build the ministry, then it labors in vain.

As far as our own beliefs are concerned. We will find ourselves walking in darkness if we personally:

1. Allow church doctrines to bind us to the point that we live in fear of losing our salvation if we do not obey them to the letter.
2. Allow our fear of being lead astray by the powers of darkness, that we become so focused on the enemy that we can not see the Lord working in our lives.
3. Allow the differences in belief as Christians to separate us to the point that we lose the ability to fellowship with one another. Divided we fall into darkness.

I have also learned that every child of God must make their own journey up the Mountain, if they want to be completely set free from fear and doubt. And experience the peace that passes all understanding.

Are you willing to accept the call to climb the mountain”

“Then come and let us go up the Mountain of the Lord

And to the house of the God of Jacob,

That He may teach us about His ways

And the we may walk in His paths”

Isaiah 2:3